Sinburning???? Really?

OMG! (and I don't say that frivolously)

When I posted my last blog a few minutes ago, I happened to glance at the ads in the sidebar. One seemed really intriguing - www.sinburning.org Burn your sin, live without guilt! Please tell me that this is a joke.

What path is God pointing you to?

After telling my friends that my work e-mail will not work after tomorrow, one of them replied with the question, "What path is God pointing you to?"

I appreciate the people who have offered me their support and prayers in the last couple of days. What is hard for me to accept are the people who I refer to as the 'Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm' people - the ones who say "God has a plan for you for something even better;" or "in a year you will look back and realize that you're in a better situation."

Well... I'm not doubting my faith, but I don't think that God allows us to hurt so that we can have a better situation here on earth. God doesn't allow a drunk driver to kill a child and have its parents suffer so that they can have another child (or whatever). God allows us to suffer because he gave us free will. He doesn't want someone to treat people poorly or have a problem with their ego/pride, but God allows it to happen.

Unfortunately, sometimes things happen that don't have a fairy tale ending. However, I do think that how I respond to the hurt may have its reward by shaving time off of my stay in Purgatory if I'm lucky enough to get there. That is why I'm trying to act like a mature adult and turn over the stuff I've been working on.

Am I Being Stupid?

Is it dumb of me to try and make my - ummmm "transition" easy for Fr. Paul? Why is it that when it comes right down to it, I still enjoyed my job, right up to the bitter end, even though I know he was threatened by me and didn't appreciate my efforts?

On the bright side, I've had two people contact me about possible positions. It is wonderful when people show they care about you.

Is it paranoia if someone really IS out to get you?

"Contracts have been issued, and due to concerns about balancing the 2009-10 budget, we are eliminating your position. Here's a check to pay you through June so that you can have time to search for employment." (mighty nice of him)

Of course, kick me again, but I offered (how stupid am I?) to sit down and turn stuff over. (But, FrontPage is being removed from my computer, I'll tell you that!)

Needy Puppy

I feel like a needy puppy. I can't believe how happy and excited I get when "someone" simply replies to an e-mail message. I hope against all hope that just maybe things are getting back to normal, or at least better. For one brief moment, I put out of my mind the other hundreds of e-mails that have been ignored, the snarky comments made without naming names when everyone in the room knows who he is talking about.....

Why can't I just flipping walk out? Oh yeah - there's a mortgage to pay.

Sacrament of Confirmation

I had the priveledge of participating in Bishop Levoir's first Confirmation Mass at Holy Redeemer. What a down-to-earth pastoral shepherd we have for our diocese! It was a touching liturgy - but I may feel more impressed since I was a sponsor.

This is the time of the year when we are given so many opportunities to experience the 'bells and the smells' of our Catholic faith.... Lenten devotionals, Chrism Mass, Triduum, Easter Sunday, Confirmation, and then next week we have First Communion for the second graders.

Two-week Countdown

Got a phone call today letting me know that a 'coaching and counseling' session should take place within the next two weeks. I was advised that if I want to avoid the most likely uncomfortable atmosphere, I could take a vacation day; however, it will probably be just as uncomfortable the next day as well.

Kind of ironic that I'm scheduled for a colonoscopy two weeks from tomorrow (on Friday, May 1).

So much to do. . so little time

I am making a quilt for my confirmation sponsoree (?). Confirmation is in 3 days, and I am not anywhere near done with the quilt.

I have 28 days until I am done with Chemistry. I am also 2 chapters behind in studying.

So why do I spend my lunch hour doing crossword puzzles instead of reading Chemistry?

Easter Sunday

After a lot of prayer about whether I should get over my anger and celebrate Easter at "my" parish or go where I can get "fed" (to quote my former confessor), I decided that regardless of how childish it is, I'm not ready to be done being angry. As a result, I went to mass at St. Clotilde this morning, where Father Jack was celebrating. It was nice to be able to focus on the real reason we were there . . . the reason behind our faith. Happy Easter!

Another marvy day at Slate Rock and Gravel

Apparently I'm just supposed to show up every day and collect a paycheck twice a month. . . Let's forget about anything positive I may be able to do. . . Let's ignore the fact that my job description says I should be responsible for x, y, and z. . . Oh, and don't bother acting like an adult and offering coaching/criticism when something happens - just treat me like I don't exist and maybe I will either A) get fed up, and say something sarcastic so that he has an excuse to fire me, or B) get fed up and walk out, C) have a heart attack or stroke from the stress, or D) go postal. I really can't say which option is the most likely to happen right now...

First Day as Child-Care Grandparents

Welcome to the world of grandparent child care!

Our dear son thought he was supposed to start his new job yesterday, but it ended up being postponed one day. His significant other started hers on Monday. Right now I'm supposed to be reading chemistry, but it's tough to concentrate when all I can do is smell the spit-up on my shirt!

50 minutes until bedtime for the 2-year-old, and maybe 90 (ok, 80) until the baby is ready to go to sleep.

Oh well, thank the Lord that they finally have jobs and are on the road to being back on their feet.

Triduum Indifference

I came back to the Church in the summer of 2001, so this is my 8th Triduum as a "Revert" (as opposed to a Convert). Every year since 2001, I've gone to Holy Thursday Mass, Good Friday services, the Easter Vigil, and often mass on Easter Sunday as well. It has been the highlight of the year.

This year, I am indifferent almost to the point of apathetic about them. I just have no enthusiasm at all. I know that part of my issue is the tailspin of depression that my job has caused. I've thought about going to services at other parishes, but I can't even garner any enthusiasm for doing that. . . all I want to do is crawl in bed and sleep all day.

I know that I'm not violating any of the precepts of the Church, or commiting a mortal sin by not attending, but what do I do about the fact that I don't "want" to go?

Reconciliation - What an Awesome Sacrament!

Boy do I hate going to confession.

I can remember years (& years & years) ago arguing with my dad about how I could tell God that I was sorry and didn't need "some priest" to tell me that God forgave me. During my 23 years as a Lutheran, I would've agreed that the brief penitential rite during the Sunday service was sufficient. (One thing that annoyed me, though was that instead of saying "May almighty God have mercy on US, forgive US OUR sins, and bring US to everlasting life," the minister says, "May almighty God have mercy on YOU, forgive YOU YOUR sins, and bring YOU to everlasting life." Doesn't the minister ever need absolution.")

Now that I've been back in full communion with the Catholic Church for almost 8 years, I am so very grateful for this sacrament. Yes, I still hate having to tell my failings out loud; however, as a dear priest told me six or seven years ago, the very act of humbling myself by admitting them is one of the major benefits.

I highly doubt that when someone is privately telling God that they are sorry, that God tells them that they really need to make reparation to the people whom they've hurt. Of course, any reasonable person will know that if they stole from someone, they need to repay it. But what about the person we slighted at work or something similar? Having the priest come flat out and say, "You need to go to Jane Doe and ask for their forgiveness," is again very humbling but oh, so cleansing.

It is also wonderful to develop a relationship with one confessor who knows the things I struggle with, and to know that what he really wants is for me to grow stronger in my faith.

Thank you, Father!

Facebook Quiz - Which Saint are You

I just took a Facebook quiz titled Which Catholic Saint are You. My answers put me in the St. Padre Pio category. From the quiz, "He lead souls to Heaven through prayer, sacrifice and the Sacrament of Confession. He exemplified Christ in his suffering." I guess being linked to him - albeit in a silly quiz - is a pretty cool thing!

I know I could look this up, but I'm not going to take the time right now... Couldn't St. Padre Pio bilocate? As a mother, I really could have used that ability when my kids were involved in school activities, or when I needed to study! Which would be hardest: to bilocate the body, or the mind? How could someone devote enough emotional or mental energy to two different situations? This is an especially pertinent question when talking about St. Padre Pio, as the story has it that he bilocated in order to hear confessions. (Now, as a woman, it would be somewhat easy to say that men are very rarely totally present for any conversation, so how is Padre Pio any different???)

What was that again?

What did I say about not letting my irritation with one person to control my life? That didn't exactly work too well tonight. I let my emotions get away from me.

God the Father, the Almighty, creator of Heaven and Earth;
God the Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ;
God the Holy Spirit, our Advocate:
Please guide me. Grant me the wisdom and strength to do your will.
Amen.

I need some cheese

I am stuck in a whiney rut, and it's driving me CRAZY. I've been struggling with a situation for several months now, and it is taking over my life. Why do I let someone have so much power over me? My friends know what is going on, and because they care, they ask me about it. That just leads me to whine and bit**. However, if they didn't ask, I would be upset because they didn't care.... Again, why do I let one person dominate my life?

I want to pretend that I don't care... that it doesn't matter to me how I'm treated. I've taken all the steps I can to resolve the situation; now I just have to wait until it all plays out in God's good time. Unfortunately, I'm 99% sure of the eventual outcome, and haven't found anyone who disagrees with that assessment.

So... how do I stop whining? And... is whining a sin?

Which brings up more whine... I've let this situation totally impact my faith. I no longer feel comfortable in MY church! When I mentioned this to a priest friend, his response was that I need to go where am getting fed. If that means going to a different parish, so be it. I hate the thought of that.

Back to the blog-o-sphere

Last night was our diocesan Chrism mass. A group of eight of us traveled 1-1/2 hours to attend at a relatively new church on one of Minnesota's 10,000 lakes. What a beautiful setting. I loved the gathering space and the classrooms in the church building. The sanctuary itself was very nice, but I guess I lean toward older churches with a bit of historical elegance. It seemed like we were pouring old wine (the centuries-old tradition of having the bishop bless the oils) into a new wineskin (the church building). (I know that the actual gospel reading talks about pouring new wine into old wineskins, but that didn't fit!)

On the way home, we were discussing where past several Chrism masses were held. As you get older, they all seem to run together. It was interesting, though, how we figured out each location... "2003 was in Redwood Falls. I drove because we had just gotten a new Honda and it was a 2003." "Remember when you, Kelly, and I ate at Arby's before Mass? Was that in Hutchinson or Willmar? Must've been Hutch because I remember Fr. Bill..."

I wonder how many Catholics take advantage of attending the Chrism mass. . . Those who don't, don't know what they're missing! Especially those who live in metropolitan dioceses where they only have to travel 20 or 30 minutes to get to the Cathedral.

Anyway... a group of us met for dinner beforehand and we were talking about blogging. They commented that I should really get my rear in gear and update mine more than every four or five months!